Extreme reactions. Let me describe what I mean. I used to take things way too personally. A minor criticism at work could send me spiraling, and I'd simmer in it for days. Or, if a friend made plans with someone else, I might get overly jealous and withdraw from them. These intense reactions weren't just about the situation itself. They were often rooted in deeper insecurities or anxieties. In the work example, maybe I worried the criticism meant I wasn't good enough. With the friend, perhaps I feared being abandoned.
This tendency to overreact also played out in my relationships. It felt like some partners mirrored my intensity, responding to my small upsets with dramatic displays of their own. This constant back-and-forth created an atmosphere of tension and a sense that neither of us felt safe expressing ourselves freely. The most damaging consequence of these overreactions was the breakdown of trust. Partners began to walk on eggshells, worried about setting me off. This constant vigilance made genuine connection impossible. Over time, I realized that without a sense of safety and trust, healthy relationships couldn't flourish.
This realization was a turning point. I hadn't considered the impact my reactions had on those around me. Instead of lashing out or threatening self-harm, I challenged myself to control my responses. I stopped making dramatic statements about withdrawing from the relationship. Instead, I focused on genuinely managing my emotions in the moment. This meant taking a breath, acknowledging how I was feeling, and then choosing a more constructive way to communicate my needs.
With this realization came a crucial shift in focus. I began to prioritize managing my own reactions rather than expecting others to walk on eggshells. I tried various things to help myself feel more calm before handling things.
Mindfulness techniques: Taking a deep breath and acknowledging my emotions helped me gain some perspective before responding. This shift from reacting to being more present helps me respond more fairly and true to my core beliefs.
Assertive communication: I practiced expressing my needs in a clear and calm way, focusing on 'I' statements. Maintaining this calm and speaking from a place of self removes the blame game from the conversation space and certainly improved the communication dynamic while affirming ones own positoin. “I feel hurt when plans change without notice”
Seeking support: Sometimes, I needed to take a step back and calm down before addressing the situation. Talking to a trusted friend or therapist could also be helpful. Therapy has been instrumental on a weekly basis to address the vast swathe of experiences I had the joy of having.
By managing my emotions, I fostered a sense of trust and safety in my relationships. People felt more comfortable expressing themselves freely, leading to deeper connections. I gained a greater sense of self-control and emotional intelligence. This allowed me to navigate challenges in a more constructive way, instead of just created reverberating feedback in an echoing room.
There's someone close to me who, when faced with tough news, struggles in a way that worries me. They might express a desire to neglect themselves, and it hurts to see them consider putting their well-being on hold. It also creates a distance between us because, during those times, I worry more about their health than I can focus on offering support for the original situation. I know they're strong, and I believe there are healthier ways to navigate challenges. I hope to teach them how to battle these mind monsters more effectively!
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