A quick entry like a waffle house drive by - 210

I start writing today with a haze in my eyes. I think I perpetually feel a lagging drag in my life that can only be reasonably explained as a back log of things in my head that feels like it needs to get out or I’ll just...die...? I don’t know but it feels like I have to pour it out for it to be okay. So for what it is worth this is not even any longer an extra effort I’m doing to grow my writing but an essential part of the toolkit that I have to be able to take care of myself and part of my voice that needs to be expressed. It doesn’t take much looking over my writing to find that I have grown and I feel happy with that. My recent life experiences have left me feeling as if I am actually living my life and participating instead of spectating quite so much. I feel I am prone to doing that. Lately reeling in my distracted bouncy attention span is my prime focus. I want to improve my ability to complete tasks I set to initially setting out. So a few new developments to share that are relevant there. I think I am going to be working two jobs. I think I can handle it. I was asked by waffle house to return to work to cook, it felt like my superior skills finally were recognized as useful enough to pursue. Let me digress a little A few days ago I was feeling nostalgic and went by waffle house and had coffee. I got very pulled into conversation with the cook Rockelle as we used to cook together. She suddenly was this very forward spoken girl out of nowhere that I had not seen in all the months I worked next to her. Confident and well spoken. She explained to me how hard she had been working on the shift and just how difficult some moments have been for her and it felt like a really relateable and connected moment. I was very happy with her progress and proud to see her growth and in both skill and character. I could not help but warmly hug her, and I trusted she would prepare my food well and without any problems. Me accepting a waffle house cook as competent is not a small feat. If I can be honest I am brutally judgemental of someone’s skill level in this category and I do not believe in falsely inflating someone’s ego. She has shown exceptional cooking ability and there was a genuine finesse I could see in her movements and timing that only comes from the experience of paying attention and trying to grow and change. It was inspiring to see. A person just working so hard on their own personal growth journey that has come so far, and it was a hopeful moment to me because I could see a waffle house that I could actually work for again in watching her conduct herself. The bar she was setting would require that people were better in their performance and standards of professionalism and it reminded myself of a younger me in ways. I can’t help but get behind that. I think it is very admirable to hold a standard, especially when people are prone to taking for themselves when no one is around. I feel the compulsion to reward this beautiful growth that I saw in Rockelle but to honest she has little need for much of anything from me. She dates girls, not boys so thats out lol. She doesn’t ask people for much of anything so gift giving isn’t really the ticket. She repsected my work though. She had a sparkle in her expression when she spoke of how I worked that was evident that she was impressed with my abilities and that she respected what I was capable of and through that I feel there is something useful to be gained there. It was a happy moment for me because this is a girl that I respect and like, on a professional level, that nods the same respect to me. I like this! So I am going to undertake the effort work next to her... I got messaged by the regional manager personally to correlate coming back to work, and I got to put my foot in the door and speak up for her. So I feel I have gotten to use my skills for something even greater than just getting through a shift. hehe! I like this. :) This happened just in time for me to hear that she quit. Wait.. What. The. Actual. Fuck. We just wrote all that bro...and did all that and now she isn’t even working there anymore at all?!?!?? This won’t do. I message her. I wanted her to amd the regional manager to know that me coming back is tied to her. It may be using the limited pull I have to inspire them to hear her grievances and fix them... but I feel that is noble. and I get to get some more hours and make some more money and I enjoy the job. So we’re on to another day and that’s about all I’ve got in my energy tank. I mean there is more I could add right? But it is kinda like I need to acknowledge at some point in this writing, even if it is coming fruitfully I should do other things to to take care of myself. Like hydrate or eat or sleep. I want to have fans. I want to be cool. I want to be able to do it all. I’m tired. This was candid. Breathe deeply, sleep sweetly and dream as mother fucking big as you can.