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8:51 AM I write with new tools at my disposal for my daily ritual. I am attempting to make my writing itself more comfortable. So I have acquired a lap desk. It has comfrotable wrist rests, so if I want to write for a while I can, comfortable padding for my lap so it can sit whereever, and even has a few convenient pockets for organizing things while I sit. I feel happy with the purchase even though at first I chastised it as a frivolous expenditure, but honestly if it contributes to just 4 writing sessions it was worth it to me. I write this entry today after taking a fairly heroic dose of mushrooms yesterday on 4/20. Why you may ask? Well. I’m that guy. I have always wanted to explore the limits of my mind an the ways it can be altered or twisted this way and that without being broken completely. I recognize plenty of humans before me and after me will play with this same concept and territory. We are a bit experimental in our nature. Seeing connections across experiences is an amazing thing. How I can remember something and describe it and you experience a feeling inside of you... it transcends time and space. Even the boundaries of our persons are blurred in this moment of shared experience in trying to understand each other through a dialogue. We step out of our familiar experience and into the words of someone else’s inner monologue. For a moment we see this world through a different lens and we understand the person walking next to us differently and better than we did before. Forgive me, I tend to get distracted in musings. I am a person I’m proud to have become. Even in my fragmented moments, I still can looks at all the little pieces and find things that I’m grateful for having held on to through the storms. Even the worst of times have given me gems that have improved my person through the experience. Difference pieces of me that I’ve refined and grown into brighter bigger parts I’m more confident to include in everyday life without shying away. There is a reason for every fearful reaction. All the little pieces I’ve fretted over and stared at and resented at times are essential to form the amalgamation of the being I am now. Forged in the fires of my soul through careful selection and blazing heat. Even the hardest part become soft in the flames of the experience of this life and eventually temper down into familiar parts of self. No longer rough and rigid. But still reliable. I close this entry with much more hopeful eyes looking to tomorrow than I had. I have a renewed thirst for pursuing the deeper beauty in life.