Shame : The Lies We Believe - 235

It's such a strange thing to listen to someone else review my writing as a whole. I recently enlisted someone's aid to review my blog. I think in some ways I've been insecure as of late about my writing. This helped me because instead of involving my ego or someone placating me, I had an unbiased perspective. 

My writing has never been so poignant I think as to change someone's life in one post. The world is so busy I don't delusion myself to think that all of America is going to be running in to see what I have to say

I've been predisposed to feeling shame from my childhood experiences and adult choices. It isn't just guilt or embarrassment. It's more than that, it's looking at yourself as somehow unworthy or fundamentally flawed, usually coupled with as healthy dose of self condemnation. 

As I said shame can come from experiences in childhood, but it can also show up from trauma, social pressures or even simply perceived failure. I think it's important to understand where each particular feeling of shame resonates from. 

Shame can effect your life so profoundly, striking uncertainty in your relationships, self image, mental and yes physical well being too. The feeling lives in your body, anyone that has felt it can attest to this and that feeling has an effect physically.

I myself even still presently struggle with shame. I can remember a time recently where I felt absolutely overwhelmed with shame because someone wanted to criticize me, and I took their thoughts and ideas that were not constructed with any care and took them into my own thoughts. This led to less confidence in my daily life or willingness to take on things that were difficult. It's a difficult hole to find oneself in but part of the journey is just that : recognizing that you've fallen and you need to get up. 

So let's go through a process, as those are so rarely well defined anywhere for people to adopt healthy ways to adapt their patterns without having to pay 9.95 for some YouTube doctors 2 week course that will "change your life"

1. Acknowledge and name your shame : identify where the feeling is coming from. Is it from an event? A relationship ? As perceived failure? Don't hide the shame, it thrives in the darkness. Bring it alive in art, in journaling or talking to a trusted friend or therapist.

2. Challenge Shame's Lies : Shame often comes in the voice of a very harsh critic or outright insensitive ass hole. Ask yourself "is this true? Would I say this to a friend?" Reframe it to something more fair and reasonable "I made a mistake yes, but that one mistake doesn't define who I am"

3. Practice self compassion : Like Jordan Peterson's rule 2, Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for caring for. Nurture your body, meditate, keep yourself reasonably comfortable. Remind yourself that you are always worthy of love and belonging, no matter where you are on your journey. 

4. Set healthy boundaries : you've got to be able to say no to people to protect your energy and even your personal peace. Saying no to something that would interfere with you taking proper care of yourself is an act of self care. 

5. Seek continued support : There's online resources, you can form a support group or join one, or even therapy of which I'm a strong proponent of.

There you have it, 5 steps to take on this terrible dark living beast. It's not a therapy session, sure. But this is at least a basic framework for you to continue to build your own scaffolding to support your healing.

Maybe tonight you can start back journaling or start new just like I am today. Letting go of my shame about not writing and giving myself the grace to continue.

You are worthy of love, and having somewhere to belong. No matter what you've done, what mistakes you've made. You don't need anyone to agree with your worthiness for it to be innately real, so you can nurture it into an empirical reality.

 Until next time, breathe deeply, sleep sweetly and dream big.