I may have just found my peace with accepting a thing most people struggle to adapt to. We cannot in fact change other people or control them.
Imagine this: You're in a heated argument with a loved one. They're making a decision you think is disastrous, and every fiber of your being wants to shake them and shout "Don't do it!" But despite your best efforts, their mind seems already made up. This scenario, or a variation of it, is likely familiar to almost everyone. We've all felt that primal urge to control the outcome of a situation, to bend someone else's will to our own. But as this entry explores, the truth is that this desire, however natural, is ultimately futile.
It is in that I've found peace. I am not omnipotent nor am I able to keep up with all of the information I would need to in order to assume proper authority to be able to dictate someone's decisions greater than their own ability. I have a hard enough time with my own!
"I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence." -John Wanamaker
I feel that that wisdom shines through here, that I cannot fret over so many different things that I have no control or ability to even change the outcome of. Even if I were to consider my 6 closest friends, I cannot hope to keep up with enough details in their life to tell them I could inform them on their circumstances better than them. It is simply more information than a given individual can hope to process, and certainly I do not believe that I am very talented in the area of being able to keep up with everyone's life story as I do not have the time. There's a limit to how much time I can dedicate to self-care, listening, and offering help to others.
Realizing this boundary is more liberating that constricting. It frees me up to not feel guilty for not being able to help when someone is struggling and gives me peace to know I can help by being present but the responsibility for change ultimately does not and cannot lie with me. It relieves a responsibility I was assuming to take on and that somehow I had to be paying attention and aware of much more than I am to be a good friend.My relationship with my mother has never been bad, however she did have the habit of telling me about what was good for me in my romantic life and relationships. I do not think this theme is unique for my mother, it is the desire of every parent to see their child content and happy in life. However the end result was I didn't want to talk about my relationships with her anymore at all. I felt kinda suffocated and didn't feel at peace sharing part of my life that I was going to be told I was doing things wrong and I should just do X. I eventually spoke up and shared with my mom that it was much more helpful for her to listen and ask questions, instead of providing direction. Much to my surprise it was not a difficult shift at all, she took note and immediately made every effort to not tell me what to do. This improved our communication even further and I seek speaking to her now whenever I am stressed about life because I am not told what I should or need to do and she chose to be a listener intent on helping me figure out for myself what was best, instead of instructing me what I need to do.
This experience highlights the importance of letting go of control and focusing on open communication. However, letting go doesn't mean indifference...
We should acknowledge that letting go of the need to control others can feel counterintuitive at first. We might worry that it makes us less caring or invested in their well-being. But the opposite is true. When we accept that we can't control someone's choices, we are freed from the burden of frustration and disappointment. We can focus our energy on what we can control: our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. This shift in perspective can significantly reduce stress and improve our mental well-being.
Additionally, accepting this reality allows us to build stronger relationships. When we stop trying to manipulate or control others, our relationships become more authentic and trusting. We can be there for our loved ones with empathy and support, without the pressure of trying to fix their lives. This creates a space for genuine connection and growth.
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