Continuing To Grow Beyond Mistakes - 234

A lot has happened. I don't feel I have the liberty to speak to all the details but suffice it to say I had a lapse in judgement, morals and ethics and conducted myself very poorly and hurt multiple people. I don't know that I've always done the best with accountability or making amends after having wronged someone. This isn't so much a lack of desire to do so, but a lack of effective skills navigating that chasm. So with fresh eyes and increased awareness of how my actions effect other people I start new for me and focus my gaze forward in life instead of dwelling in my misery. 

I've recently started to develop faith and confidence in myself again. I am not sure if it's misplaced... Because when I betray someone else I betray myself as well though.

I'm terrible at drawing lines in the sand. They're not very many rules that I think that I hold completely steadfast. I think part of it comes from trying to be adaptable but unfortunately to a fault. Some things don't have to adapt to circumstances. Some circumstances just aren't for me. 

I've discussed holding boundaries many times and candidly this conversation holds the same essence. That our pace is preserved from instilling boundaries and it is eventually sacrificed when we do not.

This road ahead won't be easy, as going at it alone is pretty new to me. But I'm learning to embrace unknown as it feels to me that's the only place growth ever resides and I'm committed to becoming a better person.

My Brain, My Keyboard, and My Peace - 233

 October 2nd, 2024

9:10 AM

I've been taking a break from writing, but it's time to reflect on why it's so important to me. I’m uncertain of the remainder of my reader base. I’m certain that I have for far too long stayed away from writing without regard for how beneficial it was for my own well being. I believe I stopped for a lot of reasons. I think it would be useful to reflect on just in case that you....dear reader encounter a time where you notice yourself off track from writing as often as you would like.

3:54 PM

I feel it is hard at times because it isn’t always the right mood or moment. There may be any number of distractions of family members needing help or the social media scroll calling to harvest my dopamine for it’s nefarious gains. It takes real effort and that isn’t something I want to breeze over. The initial effort of sitting down is such a thing wrapped in hundreds of layers of stories of why you haven’t gotten to it yet. 

I even spent time recently seriously doubting the value of my content I was writing in the first place. Then I remembered... Oh yeah. I’m measuring up to my own bar. This is my own account not to encourage someone to learn just from my experiences but to take on this very act of taking the time to articulate them into something that makes sense beyond  the attention span of a 9 second reel. 

Maybe I don’t write with the skill and grace of the greatest authors of our time, but I can certainly claim very boldly and without hesitation that I have benefitted as much as any from the act of writing. Condensing our experiences into words has the effect or orienting us in our world that much better. I will be writing even outside of what I publish on my blog as a testament to my own efforts at growth and learning myself and why I’ve arrived exactly where I am in life. So, for those that are still tuning in, thank you for reading and I hope to continue to visit back often as I once did. I learned how someone can take what I’ve wrote and weaponize it in a way to mock and belittle... but I also learned to appreciate that no one but me gets to decide the merit of what I choose to publish. There are plenty of other items for your attention out there if my writing isn’t your flavor. But here? I’m writing for my own healing and offering an olive branch to those trying to break old patterns and fight in the arena instead of shouting insult from the stands.

This post isn't supposed to be impactful and poignant. It is a raw look, as everything I write is. Though sometimes reviewed by AI it is my writing.

Peace, love and lots of hugs